Déjà vu

Some friends from England were in town for the weekend. On Sunday they wanted to go to the Danbury Mall (a favorite spot of theirs when they'd lived here) to do some shopping. It was a bit of a tough experience for me because the last time I was at that mall was on Christmas Eve last year...we'd just been to a midwife appointment and Joe thought I should do some walking around there to try and get labor going (it worked - we had Rylan the next day). We’d had lunch there and I’d often wondered if something we ate there is what caused us both to be sick the next day (or possibly had even been the source of the E. coli Rylan caught, even though the doctors had assured us it wasn’t from food). So, there we were at the mall having lunch and shopping again almost one year later and that baby who I had been in early labor with was now gone and here I was pregnant with another baby. Just strange and sad and happy all at the same time, like so many experiences are for me now. Our friends also wanted to go to Toys R’Us which is near the mall. There is a Babies R’Us next to it and Joe and I decided to go there together while they shopped at Toys R’Us. (Because Danbury is so far away, Joe had never actually gone there with me when I was pregnant with Rylan. It was fun to go there together for once.) I had been to that Babies R’Us many times before and so it was very numbing to go there now and think of all the excitement, anticipation and preparation that had gone into awaiting Rylan’s birth…and now that baby and all those dreams are gone. And yet there are new plans to be made, new hope and excitement and anticipation of your birth little one. We truly know how easily you could be gone and so we try not to take your existence for granted for a single second.